- Mood:
Isolated - Listening to: Pages - 3 Doors Down
It's been a while.
Not much inspired poetically. I have a few things I'm working on that are prose, but nothing I'm ready to shine light on just yet.
I'm in a sort of weird mind set currently. I feel like all my time is being sucked away from me. My extracurriculars are over for the time being, I hardly get any hours at work. The hours I do get at work have a strange habit of conflicting with the exact dates that I do have the random extracurricular, so I'm always letting someone down---the people at work or the people in my extras.
I have scads of free time, but I don't do anything with it. I don't know what I can do with it. Sometimes I do homework. But most of the time I just sit around, thinking about how much time I'm losing.
It feels weird that in three months, I'll only have one year of high school left. I feel like I haven't learned anything; like I have just shown up for three years to make the adults happy.
It's also weird to almost be an adult. In terms of age at least; I've acted like an 'adult' since I was twelve. I have big plans for my 18th but still...it's bizarre to nearly be there.
I'd really like to quit my job. It's just McDonald's. The only reason I got the job was to help pay for a car, but neither of my parents seems to want to aid the process. By that I mean, neither of them wants to take me to a car dealer to look at cars, or work out a payment system, or anything. I've had the job six months. I'll save nearly $500 and ask about going to make a down payment and it never happens. So, I spend the money on other things. Lather, rinse, repeat the process for the next month.
The reasons to keep the job are a scant few in comparison to the reasons to quit.
Reasons to keep the job:
-Money. Even though my paychecks are becoming increasingly pitiful.
-To prove to my parents I'm responsible. Although, this reason barely qualifies, seeing as how I do a ton of other things that are indicative of my responsibility.
Reasons to quit:
-More time for extracurriculars. I really want to audition for the spring play, but I'd have to accomodate my work schedule, when I'm already lucky to have 16 hours per paycheck.
-I hate everyone that works there. With the exception of Emma and Joey, everyone there could fall off the face of the earth and I would be totally unaffected.
-Less stress. There are days I come home from work and all I want to do is hit things. This is due in large part to the previously listed reason, but also a myriad of other things that happen at work. Like whiny customers and monotony.
-I could pull up my Chem grade. I have a C+ in AP Chem, and I don't get C's. I don't even get B's. I get A's, and that's it. Clearly this is a result of working at McHell-Hole.
(The lists are mostly for my benefit. Sorry if I bored anyone.)
So...yeah.
I feel like my time is slipping through my fingers and like I've lost the passion or will to do anything about it.
However! I don't need any help. I'll be OK in a few days.
That said, don't comment on this journal. It was really meant to be therapeutic for me, and any comments to the effect of 'I'm here for you', no matter how sweet and genuine, would probably just irk me.
I love you.
x
Caiti
Point/Counterpoint
Sweet
Neutral
Stuck
Exhilarated
